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I'd almost forgotten about this page! Im an idiot.

I lost the baby at 11 weeks for unknown reasons though my doctor seems to have some information that he's not wanting to share. I began bleeding at 9 weeks just a little spotting at first with extream panic from my end. I went and did all the testing thing bloods and an unltrasound. Everything appeared to be fine the ultrasound was a super amazing thing, I still have the pictures.
The bleeding continued to get heavier and heavier for no reason anyone could establish I heard every reason under the sun for what it might have been but nothing definate. Around 10 days after the bleeding had started I bleed out compleatly, unfortunatly I was at work at the time so it was a straight to hospital event. I'd soaked through 2 pad's in a hour and had gone through emergency, ironically enough Jenny was the first person on scene. We had an unltrasound where the baby no longer had a heartbeat. So I was put to bed and told that I would be having a currette in the morning.
Now I look back at it and I dont remember alot of the details, I remeber being angry at everyone especially Cj's family which are issues were still tring to resolve now. In typical form we ran away to Queensland for a fornight and ended up going visit sydney on the way home and I was refusing to talk about it untill we got back, except with Cj. The results came back inconclusive from tissue taken from the baby so we have no idea what went wrong, they seem to think cromosomal defect which the more i've read on the more likly it seems. i was assured that there is nothing wrong with me and there was no reason that my body could have caused the loss.

So that's it, its written down. I've been keeping myself busy as hell gone back to uni to get my medications endorsment, moved quit one job and have resisited the tempatation on going out into old habits. I'm not as upset as you may think, i've taken time out and had my cry about it now were just doing our own thing. The only problems we've got are with Cj's family and there compleate insensitivity about the whole thing so i'm getting in trouble for not going to see them but unfortunatly I dont care. Well I do, its complicated.

So yeah, were going to start trying again soon i'm not feeling ready yet I want to make sure i dont just supress the loss by getting pregnant again straight away. It's sad but everything happens for a reason and I think that the loss was god's way of saving me a hard choice, as it stands atm I would have terminated the baby if it was shown to be disabled at the 12 week scan. I still have my first scan on the fridge much to everyone elses 'hide everything away and deny it ever happened therey' and I still look at it and smile.

I feel much better, I'm sorry i didn't write sooner