FUN

Jen and Jesse are coming over for a drink tonight... Jesse has unfinished buisness with Donky Konga, I cant wait It's been forever scince I had a good laugh. I am planning to take pictures!

Allright Im up!

Good god, It's only 1pm and my phone has been rinnging all morning, I swear I give up sleep is just not going to be an option today... maybe I can go the movies or something and sleep there...

First phone call -Can you work this morning- No, I've had just over an hours sleep
2nd call - Vodafone - Just a costomer service call to see if your happy with the service... Other than the fact your ringing me at 930 in the morning I really can't complain
3rd call - Work again, can you work this afternoon... No and if you ring again I wont be working tomorrow either...
4th Call - Cj's mum to tell me all about Kylies ultrasound results which unfortunatly results in me cracking it hardcore about respect, personal space and the fact that i've just lost a baby therefore dont really want to hear about hers... Not that I dont care (cause I do) I just need to prepare myself for baby talk which I wasn't cause I was attempting to sleep.
5th Call - Cj making sure im ok after i tear chunks out of his mum, Yes im fine but if you dont let me sleep I'm going to buy a gun
6th (and final) call - Kerry rang from Sydney to tell me that Alice died this morning in Melbourne. Unable to contact Cathlin who's on a plane from Perth but got dressed and hauled my ass to the hospital for damage control. Got everyone organised and came home... However I'm not going back to bed because I know the phone is going to start ringing again. This phonecall I have no issues with reciving, though it did start badly when I talked to Kez for atleast 2 minutes before I realised who she was or who Alice was... not good.

So here I am, I only shudder to think what I look like.... I think I need coffee? It's 36 out there atm which isn't good, I think i need to move, maybe to Tasmania or Alaska... damm heat.

Just to clarify I rang Cj's mum back and apologised for my short temper which she was very gracious about, I think Cj is on damage control with that end of the world poor baby has to put up with my shit and then fix things when I crack the sads with his lot.

OK the story with Cj's Family!
When I first fell pregnent It was a huge hush hush drama. Cj's Sister has been on IVF for 2 cyles which had at the time failed so we were not to talk about it as not to upset the situation. Which was fine, untill we found out that his mother had allready told everyone except her but including her husband. Therefore it was decided that telling her would be best as she would get very angry when she found out later that noone told her.
Anyway turns out the second run was sucessful and she falls pregnant. YIPPA!!! she about 3 weeks behind me and we have a huge awesome moment. Everythings chugging along I start bleeding and tell Cj blah blah blah. When I find out the babys gone his mother 'rings me just to chat' (which means there was an informant somewhere) So i tell her whats happened to which she responds 'It's ok at least you wern't trying as ling as Kylie"

As you can imagine I was not impressed, Therefore began avioding his family which were in no way making any leaniances towards our situation whenever we did put in a apprearence it was all about Kylies baby... so I basicly stopped seeing them. Eventually Came clean to his Dad about what was going on and had a good cry which he then tried to tell the others which made things worse.

Now however it's all starting to cool off, amusing that the only person who wasn't pissing me off is Kylie who was strictly speaking the only one who should have been involved.

So there's the story,
I'm going for coffee!

...

I'd almost forgotten about this page! Im an idiot.

I lost the baby at 11 weeks for unknown reasons though my doctor seems to have some information that he's not wanting to share. I began bleeding at 9 weeks just a little spotting at first with extream panic from my end. I went and did all the testing thing bloods and an unltrasound. Everything appeared to be fine the ultrasound was a super amazing thing, I still have the pictures.
The bleeding continued to get heavier and heavier for no reason anyone could establish I heard every reason under the sun for what it might have been but nothing definate. Around 10 days after the bleeding had started I bleed out compleatly, unfortunatly I was at work at the time so it was a straight to hospital event. I'd soaked through 2 pad's in a hour and had gone through emergency, ironically enough Jenny was the first person on scene. We had an unltrasound where the baby no longer had a heartbeat. So I was put to bed and told that I would be having a currette in the morning.
Now I look back at it and I dont remember alot of the details, I remeber being angry at everyone especially Cj's family which are issues were still tring to resolve now. In typical form we ran away to Queensland for a fornight and ended up going visit sydney on the way home and I was refusing to talk about it untill we got back, except with Cj. The results came back inconclusive from tissue taken from the baby so we have no idea what went wrong, they seem to think cromosomal defect which the more i've read on the more likly it seems. i was assured that there is nothing wrong with me and there was no reason that my body could have caused the loss.

So that's it, its written down. I've been keeping myself busy as hell gone back to uni to get my medications endorsment, moved quit one job and have resisited the tempatation on going out into old habits. I'm not as upset as you may think, i've taken time out and had my cry about it now were just doing our own thing. The only problems we've got are with Cj's family and there compleate insensitivity about the whole thing so i'm getting in trouble for not going to see them but unfortunatly I dont care. Well I do, its complicated.

So yeah, were going to start trying again soon i'm not feeling ready yet I want to make sure i dont just supress the loss by getting pregnant again straight away. It's sad but everything happens for a reason and I think that the loss was god's way of saving me a hard choice, as it stands atm I would have terminated the baby if it was shown to be disabled at the 12 week scan. I still have my first scan on the fridge much to everyone elses 'hide everything away and deny it ever happened therey' and I still look at it and smile.

I feel much better, I'm sorry i didn't write sooner