Scan Tomorrow!

i need to go into for a dating scan tomorrow as I'm unsure when my last period was :( I'm super excited though I'm accually hoping that I'll be further along than we current think (8 weeks today by the midrange calculator)

Wish me luck, I keep hopeing for two little beeps, that would be soooooo good!

Surprise!

Sometimes something comes along and just blows you mind...

I'm pregnant again, I cant belive it, I feel like all i've done for the past months is be bitter and twisted about everything, plus beinga compleate bitch to Cj.

Its funny cause right now I cant tell! We decided that keeping it all under wraps would be best for a little while at least untill I figure out how pregnant I am becuase in all of my brilliance I cannot remeber for the life of me when my last period was, The doctor and I estemated 4 weeks but when I got the blood results I had and outstanding 3000 count result which puts me at 5 weeks. What a fucking mess.... LOL

We've managed to aviod Cj's parents for 4 weeks now which is an achivment plus some.... my bad I guess im still all bitter and twisted about all there bull.

Be happy, I am but i'm also terrified, if I have to loose it again i'm going to have a breakdown, I had a dream about Kylies baby, its a boy.... prey they dont name it boris!

Looking this Crap really is hard work!

Okies, Lets start with my wound list!

I'm a raging snot monster I have sinus pain to add, so my face is puffy.
Conjunktivitus.... need I say more, bloodshot eyes... more puffyness
I have a 10cm wound on my right side from the latex in my strapless bra. Now I have Mild latex allergy but I'm going to see the specialist tomorrow becuase breaking out in a 10cm long weeping blister generally isn't in the mild catagory...


Now in other news Cj has finally pushed his family over the edge... In email negotiations today a wise ass crack was made that was taken very much out of context.... Now at first I found this extreamly amusing as generally when it somes to his family I'm the evil one and he can do no wrong. But as the emails continued including the input of Auntie #1 (Who never taked Cj's side EVER) all expressed there knowlege of the playful nature of the comment his mother has still not responded and is appearing to be extreamly pissed off....

Amusing? Not anymore I can see this blowing up the whole mess yet again, and let me tell you I'm fed up to the teeth with it.

Still perhaps if we use there theroy on them it may open there eyes.... we'll ignore the issue untill it goes away.... and if that doesn't work then we can play the double standards trump. If that doesn't work we'll move to alaska.

My dad turns 50 on Friday... hehehe old bastard

Sun and then rain... what the hell!

It's been freezing today I just cant seem to heat up properly which after last week would seem like a blessing... 35+ every day... blarg!

So anyways I've accually had the weekend off! Havn't really done anything productive with my time. Clocked up some hours on Kingdom Hearts, went to the movies with Kirsty, had poker night with Jess and Jen and suffered though and insane amount of time while Cj's family looked at patterns for knitting.... yes you heard it right knitting patterns.

I informed Cj that I will not be attending family dinner for a few weeks as I really cant take much more talk of this fucking baby.... I tell you there had better be a bright star in the sky when this thing is born or I'm gonna crack the sads hard. Also to add insult to injury I have some hardcore peroid pain.... bastards!

Spoke to the bank today about being a grown up and accually putting all of my finances together. The Credit cards are getting a little out of control... but ofcourse what started all of this? I spend $350 on boots today... pretty Dr Martins ones.... but I did get a pair for Cj too

I think i need help!

New Years

I was planning to write a huge entry about this but I really just cant recall half the details. I basicly remeber going out with Morris cause Cj was working. We caught up watched the fireworks at docklands then toddled off to Cj's work. We were out untill about 10am I smoked a lot of speed and basicly cant recall all that much.

Unfortunatly the one night turned into a 4 day binge ending on Tuesday morning when I finally slept for about 16 hours. I'm not proud of myself for this little lapse and although I wish I could say it was all worth it I dont think it was.

I look back at my lifestyle privious that did involve alot of drugs and basicly shake my head, I guess its true that I have little control once I get going. More importantly If I have stuff I cant leave it alone... So now I'm back on the straight and narrow and basicly have got to grow up and say righto I will NEVER binge out like that again...

I feel better now I've confessed!

Christmas

I thought it might be easier to split everything I have to say into diffrent entries as I'm sure it will make alot more sense that way I cannot belive I woke up this morning and it the 5th of January.... fuck me.

OK Christmas was a busy time but surprisingly good in all the wrong places. Christmas eve was spent here which mum, grandma, Jenny, Jesse and Cj. Everything went really well it was just lovley. Jen and Jesse stayed late and we got plastered and played poker. Yet again surprisingly amusing.

Now Christmas day was spend traping up to Cj's parents house at around 11am. Apparently we were late..... I dont recall being told a time even when I did ask for one. Other than that though it was really lovley! I'm serious we all got along really well no petty crap, nothing of note took place at all. Infact I am now sitting back and going thats what the interdynamics used to be like... what gives why cant we be like that all the time. I even asked Kylie how she was feeling and got a nice and informative response...

Christmas Day Night went to Dads He was there along with Silvie and her 3 kids. Dad however proved once again to be a dissapointment. Though admittadly he did better than 3 years previous.... Silvies kids are probabilly the snobbiest i've come across, they dont talk or attempt to be social at all. Which pisses me right off so this year I didn't even bother trying to engage them more than once or twice. Now the meal was great and everyone enjoyed themselves yada yada... However after we were all done and just waiting around dad decided to come and crack the shits about her kids to Jen and I.... Which I just walked out of the house and havn't spoken to dad scince. Silvie has rung me twice but dad seems to remain oblivious to the fact he's a cunt.
Perhaps he needs too look and decide, he either has 5 kids on even par, or he negates the right to bitch about the other 3 when he buys them each an Ipod for christmas and then flogs Jen and I off with the I dont have any money line so we need to bring drinks but has bought a bottle spacifically for each of them.... Dont get me wrong here I have no problem with the fact he's in with her kids thats only natural right? I have problems that in being close to her kids Jen and I have essentially lost our father. He couldn't tell you where I work or when I lost the baby. But he can tell me what Camille wore to work the past 2 weeks.... hmmm interesting, He still thinks Jennys working at Mcdonalds when she quit 5 months ago.
Perhaps if he'd noticed the family photo albums were taken away 2 and a half years ago and not because he wanted to make himself a photo board I'd have a little more tolerance. But unfortunatly if it doesn't effect him directly its not important.

Then Again....

Just goes to show that writing entries can also be a challenge, turns out I didnt send additional money to the ebayer mentioned... I'm a nuff nuff.

Been buzy today went out to buy Vanillia essence and spent just under $500... ouch

20 past 5 and alls well

Sometimes I really feel like kicking my own ass. I've tranfered too much money to someone over ebay who's been fucking me around allready, its offical no more banking online after night duty, fuck.

Other than that things are good Christmas is definatly on its way but as per usual im organized and ready to go some more decorating and cleaning to be done around the house but other than that it should be all good. I'm yet again hosting christmas eve for mum and Grandma as well as Jesse and Jenny who should be putting in an appearence. I'm accually looking forwards to it as I think maybe I was betty crocker in a previous life... wait, I have a feeling she's still alive?

Cj's alarm went off about 10 minutes back, I should drag his ass out of bed so he's not late for work. I've been up for around an hour and a half cause of night shift habits but I've done well, so long as I can resist temptation to nap later today I should be back in routine soonish.

Perhaps I should make breakfast? That would get his ass into gear.... I've been cooking but I need to go and Get Vanilla essence to finish up what I had allready planned. (see betty fucking crocker)

Im in the shit with Cj's family again cause I wouldn't watch Kylies ultrasound video, I'm not even getting started on that one again.

i also have an exam tomorrow, I should really study some today....

Love and Christmas Cheer
Myriddian!

FUN

Jen and Jesse are coming over for a drink tonight... Jesse has unfinished buisness with Donky Konga, I cant wait It's been forever scince I had a good laugh. I am planning to take pictures!